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Have you ever wondered why your child behaves in certain ways in certain situations? What if you could anticipate and prepare for those moments knowing the patterns that typically drive behavior? What would you think if you could know the Seven Principles to Positive Parenting? You will find the answers in The Seven Principles of Positive Parenting. A parents handbook to parenting with discipline for a change. By Brett M. Judd LMSW
That is the title of Brett's book that will be released for sale October 1. Pre sale orders are available at 30% of the regular price of $18.
The Seven Principles of Positive Parenting give you the knowledge and practical hands on skills you can learn to ensure you are giving your children the absolute best parenting possible.
Parents who understand and practice the Seven Principles are more at ease when they are confronting a child about a behavior. They are less inclined to become emotional and over react. Positive Principled Parents also understand the difference between discipline and punishment and why they would never punish.
To pre order your copy, go to www.theartandjoy.com/store#. There is a link to the order on the main page. If you order the book before November 15th, you will be able to buy as many copies as you desire for $12.00 These would make great Christmas presents for your new parent children or grandchildren, or a great resource for you.
Concepts in the book are
1. how punishment leads to resentment and control but not understanding and change.
2. why discipline will create the change and self control you want in your child.
3. why grief is a major component to behavioral issues and outburst.
4. why logic is not always loving and ways you can use the emotional arousal cycle to your advantage when interacting with a child
and many more.
This book is the result of Brett's 20 years in the social work field and his observations, research, teaching, and experiences. He brings all of that into a very readable and usable book that will help any care giver of a child the tools the need to grow a strong and mentally healthy child.
An excerpt from the book can be found Below. Don't wait. 3 weeks the pre sale will end and we will make the order. This is your chance to get the hands on guide to Positive Principled Parenting that will benefit you and your kids.
From Chapter 1 Discipline versus Punishment
"DISCIPLINE
The Latin root of discipline, disciplina, (see Webster above) means to teach. Therefore, a Disciplinarian is a teacher, or one who instills knowledge and understanding. If you view yourself, the parents and caregivers, as a child’s chief teachers, the child can then be considered a disciple, a student, the follower of the teacher. One who is taking in the instructions. Thus, a “disciplined” person is one who has received instruction and is now living according to the teaching. To discipline, is to teach a child a better way of behaving, of thinking, or of being.
I taught a father these concepts once in a family session. We had been meeting for some time and I knew that he was struggling. Finally, he asked if he could speak to me alone after a session. I was hopeful. I sensed he had begun to recognize that the issues we were addressing with his son were really issues he was having within himself. Sure enough, when the door closed and the conversation started, he said, “It’s me, isn’t it?” That simple realization was the beginning of the end. Only two sessions later I saw a different family, consisting of happy boy with a patient and relaxed father. What he had realized is that in his fear and anxiety of raising a strong healthy son, he was actually destroying the son’s own will. He had lost the idea of teacher for the mindset of driver, director, and dictator. The resistance had led to animosity and resentment from the son who had said to me, I just want dad to hear me, see me, and listen to my needs and desires. A good teacher knows that to teach they must first listen and know where to begin. A good disciplinarian will get to know their student and begin to teach at the place the disciple is. In this case that is the child. The father in my story had come to the understanding that his own personal needs, fears, and desires were impacting the way he was interacting with his son. It was creating distress for both of them. By coming to terms with his own needs he was free to meet the developmental and discipline needs of his son.
Unfortunately, when desperately searching for ways to quickly quiet a tantrum-throwing child in the supermarket, or to stop other chaotic misbehaviors, teaching is likely the last intervention thought of, even though successful discipline can halt the behavior and decreases its recurrence in the future. Utilizing force, intimidation, or shame only interrupts the behavior—it does not stop it. This is not discipline, it is punishment.
Some of the core principles that surround the disciplinarian are:
1. True concern and compassion for the “disciple”.
2. Patience (to understand not react, and to endure the change process).
3. Confidence (In self and child).
4. Emotional detachment (from the behavior).
5. Perspective (what is correct developmentally for the learner, what is the meaning).
6. Consistency. Not perfection.
7. A clear goal.
8. An ability to clearly communicate.
All of these factors are at play when we endeavor to discipline as opposed to punish. Without them, we run the risk of harming the core relationship the child needs with us. It is through relationship we are able to assist the child gain a deep sense of self regulation...
Punishment
In direct opposition to discipline, punishment has nothing to do with teaching. Its Latin root, punier, means to inflict pain or to deal harshly with; to make one pay for his actions; or to inflict a sanction or exact a price. (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/punish) Interestingly, when you look at Pain in the Webster Dictionary, you see that the number 1 definition is punishment...
Punishment assumptions are:
1. The child will know what behavior they were punished for.
2. They will be able to determine the correct course of action next time.
3. The punished child will gain and maintain respect for the parent as both care provider and punisher.
When any of the above are not fully comprehended by the child, the opportunity to discipline has been missed. For growth there must be understanding. To have nurture, there must be safety. It is the fundamental duty of the parent/care provider to instill in the child a sense of hope, well being, and the ability to make lasting attachments to others around them. Our interventions and interactions with the child ought to instill a deep sense of hope and self confidence. When punishment is the tool of correction, there is little hope for the child to find comfort and attachment in the punisher.
Many of you can recall a time when you were punished, and you will probably agree that while unpleasant, the punishments you received did not produce deep learning experiences. You may even identify with many of my clients, who have stated that the ultimate outcome of their punishment was resentment, diminished respect, and in nearly all cases, a sense of self-doubt and shame...
One primary need that is often a driving behavioral force is the need for control, or a sense of personal dominance over a situation and life in general. The willful child who challenges the directive of the caregiver, may be simply exercising their need for self direction and control. One powerful component of constructive motivation is the giving power and control of the situation to the child. Restrictive or inhibitive motivation removes the power from the child and places it into the hands of the person dictating the behavior. When we feel out of control our sense of well being is displaced and we feel vulnerable. This vulnerability is associated with fear, and that fear is often being associated with outbursts, irrational behavior, and tantrums. Similar to the feeling of being out of control in a car that has run onto a patch of ice, we immediately take action in an attempt to regaining control of our world. When a child feels out of control, they will take any means they feel necessary to gain that control in their world. This inner emotional turmoil is expressed through a broad range of emotions, but often it is seen as the behavior of anger. This concept, anger being a behavior, is a new concept to many. The reality of the behavior of anger is that, we act out our true emotion in anger that covers the tender inner emotion of being afraid, hurt, shamed, or just sad. Anger is a natural reaction and has great power in the establishment of boundaries, dominance, and in the protection of more vulnerable inner emotions. Much of this has direct root the way our emotional expressions were handled when we first began to experience and understand these emotions.
I have had numerous clients who were ridiculed, or shamed when they expressed emotions, or told that this was showing some sort of “weakness”. It was not okay to cry, be sad, or to just “deal with it”. Now, as adults, when they feel those things, it is often covered by the socially more accepted and expected outburst of anger. These clients express that while they understand this is not healthy and drives away people they would like to be close to, they learned that getting angry was an easier way to mask the true feeling and it showed strength, while driving off those who would potentially cause emotional harm. As a disciplinarian, the more you can do to allow the child to feel safe in the emotions they are having and validate the true emotion without over reacting to the expressed behavior, the stronger your child’s resilience will be and their ability to freely and safely feel in later relationships. "
This book is full of tools and concepts that will alter the parents mindset and create supportive and nurturing interactions regardless of the child's behavior. When you learn to harness your intuitive and innate nature as a parent you will be transformed into a powerful disciplinarian who teaches is instilling powerful beliefs and habits in you child that they will act on for years.
Don't Delay. The 30% presale offer will only last until the 15th of September and then we will make this initial order. There is no limit to your order size so act quit and get one for every parent you love and for every child you want to have the best parents they can have.
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